The Shampoo Bottle
by ConsultingDuelist
Summary: ONESHOT Voldemort is making his Christmas list for his DeathEaters...what does he plan to give our dear Potion's Master Severus Snape? And the others...


**A/N-** Sorry I deleted all my other stories...most of them. They took too much of my time, but I kept the rest up. Here's a one-shot for y'all! 

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the magnificent evil villains called Death Eaters. They are property of JK Rowling, Warner Bros., and Scholastic Books. I do not make money off this story, and don't look at my bank account, it won't tell you otherwise. I don't even have over 1000 bucks in it.

**Summary:** Voldemort is giving out X-mas presents, but what does he intend to give our esteemed Potions Master?

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The Shampoo Bottle

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Lord Voldemort, aka Tom Marvolo Riddle, a Dark Lord in which nobody would want to date, marry, or carry his offspring, who had slimy skin, a bald head and red slitty eyes, was sitting in his chair at the Riddle Mansion, going over his 'Death Eater X-Mas List', he called it, because Christmas, the name was so old... then again, so was he. (Okay, just so's ya know, I don't mean any offence by this sentence. It's just HIS opinion.)

_**LORD VOLDEMORT'S DEATH EATER'S X-MAS LIST FOR THE YEAR 1996**_

_Crabbe - Troll Clubs_

_Goyle - Really Big Robes (Have you seen his appearance?)_

_Bellatrix - A toy muggle that she can kill whenever she pleases_

_Lucius - Muggles to torture_

_Narcissa - Black roses (formal gift for woman)_

_Wormtail - A hair growth Potion_

_Severus - A shampoo bottle_

After checking the list thoroughly, he remembered that he still had to deliver Snape's Shampoo! Snape's hair was so gross looking and smelly that he could smell it when Snape was at Hogwarts and Voldemort was at his house! It's unbearable, really. He had to get Shampoo for Severus before the world collapsed... wait, that wouldn't be so bad!_ 'I can use Severus's smelly and gross hair to my advantage!'_

The Dark Lord was now dancing around in a frilly ballet dress that he got from his dancing--- uh, I mean... **KARATE** teacher!

"Um, Milord?" Lucius asked upon entering the room.

Voldemort quickly changed back into his robes and sat down in his chair, growling madly at the thought that he was interrupted... what nerve to disturb a man in his tutu! "Yes, Lucius?" he asked through gritted teeth. "I told you I was not to be disturbed."

"M'lord, Potter has escaped."

Voldemort's mouth dropped open. The boy was a menace! They had just captured Potter and now he escaped! The nerve to escape while he was in a tutu and having the time of his life. "Lucius, why tell this now? You do know that I know everything?"

"What are the Primary Colors?" Lucius asked.

Oops, I had to open by big, fat, scaly mouth, Voldemort thought dumbly. "Uh... can you make fudge?"

Lucius looked at him, dumbounded. Did Voldemort have some weird disease or something? "No, m'lord. Why do you--"

"Then shut it!" Voldemort screeched. "And let me get back to my daily Tutu Ritual--- I mean my morning exercises--- Uh, I mean Killing Muggles!"

Lucius looked at him skeptically before leaving the room.

"Severus, you had better enjoy your X-mas present!" Voldemort growled through gritted teeth. "I went through a whole lot of humiliation for you today, dearest!"

Noticing it was almost ten o'clock, his eyes widened. "I had better dilever it, it's almost past my bedtime." He attached the parcel to an Owl and proceeded to conjure up some milk, cookies and carrots for the raindeer and Santa, and then crawled into his bed. Pictures of Dumbledore were all over the room, even on the floor.

"Albus, my idol--- I mean, my worst enemy!" Voldemort screeched. "Why won't you leave me alone? It's like he's all over the place..."

Then, he proceeded to count to fall asleep.

"One Dumbledore, two Dumbledore, three Dumbledore..."

The next morning, Voldemort was woken up by a shriek of a girl... or was it a guy? He shook his head. _'Guess Severus recieved my... gift.'_

"Milord, excuse my language, but, what the hell is this?" Severus asked, coming into the room with a bottle of Herbelesences Shampoo.

Voldemort looked at him and suddenly felt cold. Remembering he had nothing on, he screeched and started to beat Severus with a nearby Fly Swatter.** "OUT! OUT! OUT!"**

Severus squeaked like a chick and ran out, but not before hearing---

**"YOU HAD BETTER USE THAT SHAMPOO, SEVERUS! YOU'RE JUST AS HUMILIATED AS WORMTAIL, I HAVE GIVEN HIM HAIR-GROWTH FORMULAS!"**

A shriek was heard from the room next to his...

_'Damn, now I've awoken Pettigrew... oh well, time for sleepy-- uh I mean my beauty rest-- uh, I mean rest! Plain rest!'_

His dreams were filled of catching Potter and making him his bride... I mean muse--- I mean... get the hell out!

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- Fin - 


End file.
